This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
