community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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