so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
