i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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