I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
