Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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