I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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