guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
