So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
