he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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