ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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