im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
