your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
