I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
