he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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