The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
