I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
