My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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