I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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