I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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