I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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