I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry about my life...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
