i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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