I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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