He uses pillows to masturbate.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
