just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
