It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
