Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
