If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize