I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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