saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
