Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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