I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
