I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize