I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
