So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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