White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
