Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
