as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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