dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
