dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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