Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
