I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
