I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
