hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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