bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
