if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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