i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize