Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
