remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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