somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
