New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have already put on my inside pants.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
