i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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