you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
