It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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