It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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