WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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