Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize