Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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