Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
