Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize