Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize