I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
