I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
